Why trust at work feels risky (and what to do about it)
Trust is, at its core, a psychological commitment.
It’s not just a nice-to-have on a team charter or a leadership slide. It’s something that requires people to take a personal risk. You have to offer up a part of yourself. That might mean being honest about a mistake, asking for support, setting a boundary, or choosing to back a colleague’s decision even when you're unsure if it’s the right one. You're exposing yourself to someone else's reaction, judgement, or silence; and hoping it pays off in the form of a better working relationship, a more open team, or simply less tension in the day-to-day.
And people don’t take that step blindly. There’s an unspoken expectation that trust will be mutual. If I let down my guard, will you do the same? If I admit fault, will I be punished for it or helped through it? That’s where it often gets complicated. Because even with the best intentions, our idea of what’s fair, reasonable or safe may differ from the person across the table. I’ve seen this in teams where everyone was technically aligned, but mistrust bubbled under the surface simply because people were working from different assumptions. And that’s OK.
"You're exposing yourself to someone else's reaction, judgement, or silence; and hoping it pays off in the form of a better working relationship, a more open team, or simply less tension in the day-to-day."
Trust helps us bridge those differences.
But it only works if both sides are willing to stay engaged when things get uncomfortable. The larger the perceived gap between us, in seniority, background, personality or power, the more trust it takes to cross it.
For example, I’d have no problem asking a client if I could briefly step out for a personal call. But would I ask that same client to water my plants while I’m away? Of course not. It would feel wildly out of place. The distance in the relationship makes the request inappropriate. So how do we make those smaller but still significant moments like giving feedback, owning up to an error, or asking for help feel less risky?
That’s where expectation management comes in. And it starts with self-awareness.
Let’s say I’m managing a team and want people to be open when they’ve made a mistake. In theory, most professionals would agree with that. But unless I’ve made it explicit how I tend to respond, they’re left guessing: Will I quietly support them? Will I get defensive? Will it quietly damage their chances at promotion?
So I start by asking myself some questions and try answer them as honestly as possible:
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What kind of response do I think is fair when someone gets something wrong?
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If I make a mistake, what do I think is fair as a response?
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Are some mistakes more understandable than others? Does that depend on the impact, the frequency, or the context?
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Do I expect someone to tell me immediately, or try to resolve it first?
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Beyond owning up, what else do I expect from them: initiative, learning, change?
By getting clear on my own expectations, I create a starting point for conversations with others. And that’s the key: this isn’t just about self-reflection. It’s about actively sharing those expectations and inviting others to do the same.
Ask your team members what they need from you when things go wrong.
Be open about how you typically react, and ask how that comes across. Don’t assume that silence means alignment. Often, it just means people are navigating uncertainty on their own. When you notice gaps between what you expect and what others assume, stay curious. Gaps are great. It means you’ve found a new or different perspective ánd you’re getting ahead of a possible future trust-risk. Ask about the reasoning behind their perspective. Often there’s a story, a past experience or a simple misunderstanding underneath that you both can get aligned on.
These conversations don’t have to be heavy. A short, open discussion can change the tone of a relationship for the better. And when missteps happen, and they will happen, you can say: “We worked through that because we both stayed with it.” That shared contribution is what makes trust real. Not just the easy moments, but the challenging ones handled with clarity, care and the social investment you both made.
What you can do next
1. Write down your expectations in three everyday trust situations
Choose moments that matter: someone missing a deadline, pushing back on your idea, or admitting to a misstep. Jot down what you hope people will do, how you’d ideally respond, and where there might be unspoken risks or assumptions.
2. Start a short trust conversation with your team or a colleague
You don’t need a formal session. Simply share one of your own answers and ask them how they see it. Even a five-minute conversation can shift the sense of safety and alignment between you.
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